Thursday 17 January 2008

When The Revolution Comes...

Brain... melting...
Found... lolcat 'translation'... of Bible...
Am... trying to block out... vision of... 'ceiling cat'... nailed to cross... drowning brain in bourbon...
Bourbon... not working... fast enough...
Must find... length of garden hose... and funnel... bourbon bong... only hope...

This lolcat thing is going to cause some kind of riot where those who think it's awesome will rise up and immediately be knocked the f*ck out by the infinitely harder people who do not. And that is not even the worst of what awaits them.
I like pictures of adorable pets in moderation but you have to just get a grip people!

For starters, cats are not adorably clueless.
They are evil.
I have two cats and I love them but you know and I know that they are just playing you because you have opposable thumbs and they don't. They would do that cute little waving with their paws thing for anyone with a tin of tuna and the ability to open it.
I mean think about it, if you have ever seen a cat play with a moth/mouse/lizard/small child who is still scared of the monster under the bed and who will sit with groaning bladder on the bed all through the night because of the swipey clawed thing under the bed that attacks their legs every time they try to leave... you know that they are sadistic little devils. As Terry Pratchett pointed out in Lords and Ladies "If cats looked like frogs we'd realise what nasty, cruel little bastards they are."
So let's review shall we?

Cats are: supremely selfish, self-interested, violent, merciless - though admittedly beautiful - manipulative little predators...

And you are affixing deliberately misspelled, grammatical train wrecks of inane captions to their images!

When they rise up and disembowel you for this act of supreme disrespect I will be standing deferentially by with little bowls of scented water and towels for cleaning and drying their paws inbetween victims.

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